A simple solution

A person wrote a letter to the White House complaining about the treatment of a
captive taken during the Afghanistan war.  Below is a copy of the response.

  The White House
  1600 Pennsylvania Avenue Washington, D.C.

  Dear Concerned Citizen

    Thank you for your recent letter criticizing our treatment of the Taliban and Al Qaeda  detainees currently held at Guantanamo Bay, Cuba.

  The administration takes these matters seriously, and your opinion was heard loud  and clear here in Washington.  You’ll be pleased to learn that,thanks to the concerns  of citizens like you, we are creating the Terrorist Retraining Program, to be called the   “Liberals Accept Responsibility for Killers” program, or LARK for short.  In accordance  with the guidelines of this new program, we have decided to place one terrorist under  your personal care.

   Your detainee has been selected and scheduled for transportation to your residence  next Monday.  Ali Mohammed Ahmed bin Mahmud is to be cared for pursuant to the  standards you personally demanded in your letter of admonishment.  We will conduct  weekly inspections to ensure that your standards of care for Ahmed are   commensurate with those you so strongly recommended in your letter.

  Although Ahmed is sociopathic and extremely violent, we hope that your sensitivity to what you described as his “attitudinal problem” will help him overcome this character  flaw.  Perhaps you are correct in describing these problems as mere cultural  differences.

 Your adopted terrorist is extremely proficient in hand-to-hand combat and can
extinguish human life with such simple items as a pencil or nail clippers.  He is also  expert at making a wide variety of explosive devices from common household  products, so you may wish to keep those items locked up, unless you feel that this  might offend him.

 Ahmed will not wish to interact with your wife or daughters since he views females as  a subhuman form of property.  This is a particularly sensitive subject for him.  He has  been known to show violent tendencies around women who fail to comply with the  dress code that he considers appropriate, but I’m sure that over time they will come  to enjoy the anonymity offered by the bhurka.  Just remind them that it is all part of respecting his culture and his religious beliefs.

Thanks again for your letter.  We truly appreciate it when folks like you inform us of  the proper way to do our job.  Take good care of Ahmed and good luck!

 Cordially,  Don Rumsfeld