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These are really good. Most of them are new to me.

PRICELESS GRANDPARENT STORIES


1. After putting her grandchildren to bed, a grandmother changed into
old slacks and a droopy blouse and proceeded to wash her hair.  As she
heard the children getting more and more rambunctious, her patience grew thin. At last she threw a towel around her head and stormed into
their room, putting them back to bed with stern warnings.  As she left
the room, she heard the three-year-old say with a trembling voice,
“Who was THAT?”

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2. A mother was telling her little girl what her own childhood was like:
“We used to skate outside on a pond.  I had a swing made from a tire;
it hung from a tree in our front yard.  We rode our pony.  We picked
wild raspberries in the woods.”  The little girl was wide-eyed, taking
this in. At last she said, “I sure wish I’d gotten to know you sooner!”

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3. My grandson was visiting one day when he asked,”Grandma, do you know how you and God are alike?” I mentally polished my halo while I
asked, No, how are we alike?” “You’re both old,” he replied.

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4. A little girl was diligently pounding away on her father’s word
processor.  She told him she was writing a story.  “What’s it about?” he
asked.  “I don’t know,” she replied. “I can’t read.”

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5. I didn’t know if my granddaughter had learned her colors yet, so I
decided to test her.  I would point out something and ask what color it
was.  She would tell me, and always she was correct.  But it was fun for
me, so I continued.  At last she headed for the door, saying sagely,
“Grandma, I think you should try to figure out some of these yourself!”

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6. A Sunday school class was studying the Ten Commandments.  They were ready to discuss the last one.  The teacher asked if anyone could
tell her what it was. Susie raised her hand, stood tall, and quoted,
“Thou shall not take the covers off thy neighbor’s wife,”

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7. Our five-year-old son couldn’t wait to tell his father about the
movie we had watched on television, “20,000 Leagues Under the Sea.”  The scenes with the submarine and the giant octopus had kept him wide-eyed. In the middle of the telling, my husband interrupted Mark, “What caused the submarine to sink?”  With a look of incredulity Mark replied, “Dad, it was the 20,000 leaks!!”

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8. When my grandson, Billy, and I entered our vacation cabin, we kept
the lights off until we were inside to keep from attracting pesky
insects. Still, a few fireflies followed us in.  Noticing them before I
did, Billy whispered, “It’s no use, Grandpa.  The mosquitoes are coming
after us with flashlights.”

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9. When my grandson asked me how old I was, I teasingly replied, I’m not sure.” “Look in your underwear, Grandma,” he advised.  “Mine
says I’m four to six.”

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10. A second grader came home from school and said to her mother, “Mom, guess what?  We learned how to make babies today.”  The mother, more than a little surprised, tried to keep her cool.  “That’s
interesting,” she said, “How do you make babies?”  “It’s simple,”
replied the girl.  “You just change “y” to “i” and add ‘es'”

(What English teacher wouldn’t love that one?)

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Subject: Children’s Logic: “Give me a sentence about a public servant,”
said a teacher.  The small boy wrote: “The fireman came down the
ladder pregnant.”  The teacher took the lad aside to correct him. “Don’t
you know what pregnant means?” she asked. Sure,” said the young
boy confidently. “It means carrying a child.”

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A grandmother was surprised by her 7 year old grandson one morning. He had made her coffee.  She drank what was the worst cup of coffee
in her life.  When she got to the bottom, there were three of those
little green army men in the cup.  She said, “Honey, what are these army men doing in my coffee?”  Her grandson said, “Grandma, it says on TV, “The best part of waking up is soldiers in your cup!


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A nursery school teacher was delivering a station wagon full of kids
home one day when a fire truck zoomed past.  Sitting in the front seat
of the fire truck was a Dalmatian dog.  The children started discussing the dog’s duties.  They use him to keep crowds back,” said one
youngster.   “No, said another, “he’s just for good luck.”  A third
child brought the argument to a close.”They use the dogs”, she said
firmly, “to find the fire hydrant.


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