It is always important to take your medications as prescribed by your Dr.  If you find you are having problems while on a medication talk to your Dr as soon as possible.  Do not just stop taking the medication because some medications will have side effects if just stopped instead of reducing the amount of the medication.

Some medications can have side effects such as being tired all the time or other known side effects that are listed with the medication usually.  If you are experiencing side effects that are bad you need to talk to your Dr and tell them what is going on.  They usually will change dosage or medications that may not have the same side effects.

I have been on several different medications over time that the side effects were bad.  From hallucinating and hearing things to uncontrollable shaking of my hands where I was unable to even sign my name because it was so bad.  I talked to my Dr about it and my medications were changed again and now I don’t have all the problems I once had.

It is also a guessing game what will and won’t work for each person. What may work for one person may not work for another. It is a lot of trial and error when it comes to finding the right medication combinations to make you feel better.  I found the medications I am currently on still have some side effects however they aren’t that bad so I deal with it the best I can. My hands still shake a little bit from time to time but my mood is fairly stable right now but I am able to deal with it.

Before I was on any medications my mood and depression level would be all over the place depending on my situation and what was going on. I couldn’t get the help I needed because at the time I didn’t have medical insurance then when I did it didn’t cover Mental Health. My primary care Dr prescribed an anti-depressant for me that did make a little bit of a difference in my depression and mood however when my Dr upped my medication I started having side effects that weren’t good.

I went in to the Dr’s office and tried to get help for getting my medication reduced however Obamacare had taken over and my Dr never returned my messages or saw me when I was there. I was having bad side effects from the medication and tried stopping taking it but that just made things worse.

Eventually I ended up moving to another county and transferred my medical records and got a new primary Dr. When I saw my new primary Dr I told them what was going on and they changed the dosage back to the lower dosage. at the time I was temporarily staying with family for over a year during this time and things weren’t getting any better for me. Then I was told I needed to find somewhere else to live and ended up on the streets again with no where to go.

I ended up becoming very suicidal where I wanted to end my life and decided to check myself into the emergency room at the hospital. They kept me over night and they were going to let me leave or I could be transferred to a mental hospital where they would have me on a 72 hour hold. I decided to go and be checked in to the mental hospital where i ended up not getting the help I needed at the time.

I ended up staying in the hospital for over a week before I finally started getting the help i needed from the Dr’s there. I ended up writing down what was going on with me and gave it to one of the people there to read. shortly after that I saw the Dr again and talked about what was going on with me and came up with an exit plan to get me out of the mental hospital. After that things started falling into place where I was finally getting the help I needed.

While I was at the hospital I made a few new friends that I keep in touch with from time to time.  some are doing a bit better and others have been back in the hospital a few times now.  There was a few times while I was homeless and on the streets that I nearly ended up back in the hospital but with the support from friends and family in general and the new medications I was able to stay out of the mental hospital.

Now after several different medications with trial and error I am at least stable where before I wasn’t.  So remember to take your medications even if you start feeling better because it is why you are feeling better.  If you aren’t feeling better at all and actually feel worse then talk to your Dr about what is going on and see if they will change your medication for you. Never just stop taking your medications because they can have worse side effects than while you were taking them.

Please DON’T commit SUICIDE. You’re not CRAZY, ALONE or EXPENDABLE!

Please DON’T commit SUICIDE. You’re not CRAZY, ALONE or EXPENDABLE!

Some of us deal with suicidal thoughts on a daily basis while others only think of suicide when we are going through tough times.  If you are going through times that you feel like life is no longer worth living and you have no one else to turn to please call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255.  You are not alone and you don’t have to go through it alone ether.

My issues & other problems


I have struggled with my issues for most of my life alone.  Never being able to get the help i have needed.  Sometimes it gets so bad that i am not able to deal with stuff anymore.

As far back as I can remember i was abused by my mother both physically and mentally through junior high until i was removed from that situation.

At the end of 2011 my grandmother passed away from ovarian cancer and the jerk she had married decided that everything was his and gave eviction notices because he was going to sell both properties that our family owned.

I ended up with no where to go other than my mom’s that i didn’t want to go to but had no other alternative than being out on the streets so i ended up going to live with my mom.  It was really hard to stay at my moms while she was on her medications for bipolar and when her insurance ended and her medications started running out it went from bad to worse with her verbal abuse.  I tried to get help from family but the only help i got was telling me to just hang in there.  I tried 2 times to cut my wrist.

The second time was while i was at my mom’s house when she was starting with her verbal abuse again.  I took a steak knife and tried to cut my wrist and make them bleed but that didn’t happen.  My mom started in on the verbal abuse again and i got up off the kitchen floor where i had been sitting near the sink trying to cut my wrist and walked around to the doorway between the kitchen and living room with the steak knife still in my hand and had a verbal confrontation with her.  She told me to put the steak knife down and with how much stuff is piled on the table, and any available space in the kitchen i was unable to just easily put the knife down with out the chance of it sliding off on to the floor.  She told me a few more times to put down the knife and eventually i found a spot on the table to set it down.

I had a verbal confrontation with her about how i was tired of dealing with her abuse and also brought up things from when i was around 5 years old when she chained me to the bed with a dog chain and padlocked the one side through the belt loops on my paints and latched the other end to the bed.  she came back with a response along the lines that we didn’t have a dog and that i was the one always abusing her.

After the confrontation she got her cellphone and called the police and told them that i tried to kill her.  When the police got there they had me step outside and handcuffed me and talked to me about what was going on.  I told them that i tried to cut my wrist and that my mom was being verbally abusive.  They asked if i wanted to be taken to the hospital and i said yes.

They took me to the hospital in woodland where I ended up waiting pretty much all night to see someone.  By the time someone finally saw me it was the early hours of the morning and i no longer felt like hurting myself.  They released me from the emergency room in the early am hours and called a cab to take me back home.  I went and was dropped off in front of my moms and i went and got my bike and headed to the clinic that i had an appointment later that day.

After my appointment I roamed around until later in the evening then reluctantly went back to my moms and knocked on the door.  She answered the door telling me I couldn’t come in and that she filed a restraining order against me.  I started to leave and she said something about they should have kept me in the hospital.  I left and found a payphone and tried to call my aunt but she didn’t answer.  I tried again later but still no answer.  I also tried calling my old neighbor but no answer there ether.

I ended up riding all the way across town trying to find somewhere to stay and ended up sleeping out on the streets for a number of nights cold and tired. Because i hadn’t rode my bike in years my legs were cramping up and my hands started tingling because there was no circulation in them and couldn’t do much about it.  the one night i was so cold that i rode to the hospital and sat inside to warm up and fell asleep off and on through the night.

I ended up making my way to the employment center that I knew someone there.  she helped me by getting me the info to the mission and some snack food that they had there.  I ended up finding the mission and found that I could stay 7 days in a row before had to get back in line to see if i could get a bed again for another 7 days.

During this time I hadn’t tried to contact my family again.  I made my way over to my old neighbor’s house and found out that my family was looking for me and my one aunt that i had tried to call had tried to call me back but it was a payphone that i had called from and there was no incoming calls to that number.  my other aunt had left her number with my old neighbor and i ended up calling her.  I ended up seeing both my aunts not too long after that but still didn’t have anywhere to go and stay.

While I was staying at the mission there was times that i couldn’t get a bed for the week so i would have no where to go.  sometimes i would be picked up for the night and dropped back off in the morning and have somewhere safe and warm to sleep.  this was only overnight stays for a few occasions.  my one aunt told me if i have no where else to go to head to the barn and stay there.

So I used to ride all the way from downtown Sacramento to Orangevale when i didn’t have a bed.  that was a really long ride especially when I had to take breaks from riding because my hands and legs would start hurting and cramping up.  after a number of times going out to the barn for the night and i ended up finding a payphone in the general area i was able to call her and let her know what was going on.  she came out after work and took me shopping for some basic stuff.  an ice chest, cot, and some basic other stuff for eating with.  ended up getting canned food and some stuff that had to be refrigerated.

after about a month of going to the mission and loaves & fishes i ended up just not wanting to even deal with that environment anymore so i just stayed in the barn every night from then on.  I didn’t have to deal with the smoking going on all around me, didn’t have to worry about getting a bed for the night.  and during the day i would sometimes be gone during the day to the library or go shopping for basic groceries and lunch sometimes.

during this time I was working on stuff out there such as cleaning stalls, working on cleaning up the barn, and other stuff like that.  I ended up eventually doing some odd jobs and got enough money for a prepaid cell phone.  I ended up making enough money for a cheap android tablet also so that when i went to the library i could check my e-mail and look up other stuff online.

My aunt and uncle were working at putting in a shed in there back yard during the summer so they would pick me up and have me help them and take me back out to the barn or occasionally would have me stay the night.  when the shed was complete i didn’t see them as often and occasionally would help them with stuff.

with winter starting i was helping them with stuff at there house and helped them clear out there storage that they had been renting for a while by that time.  well they had picked me up from the barn to have me help them with whatever and was staying there for a bit and was getting ready to go back out to the barn and was told that they were going to have me stay there for a while.  well this lasted about a year and a half and i ended up back out on the streets.

during the time i was there i was trying to find a job even with all my issues but never heard back from the few that i applied for.  then i was trying to find help to get a psychiatrist and get on SSI but everywhere i tried calling ether said they didn’t take my insurance or it went to an automated system and couldn’t get through to a human to talk to someone.

While i was at my aunt and uncles house i changed all my medical and food benefits from yolo county to sacramento county but that in its self was a nightmare.  I went to the department of human assistance and applied for both medical and food benefits and when it came time for my food benefits to be added there was nothing.

I contacted my worker and both counties and after almost a month of going around in circles i finally got in touch with someone in Yolo county that actually helped me clear up the mess by contacting my worker directly and i was able to get my full back food benefits added to my card after they fixed the mess.

Later i went to try to find out for my medical benefits for getting a Dr and found that i didn’t have medical coverage still.  so i went in and reapplied for medical and then later made a call to find out something and they told me that there was an issue with Yolo county for my medical coverage.  so i called both Yolo county and Sacramento county and went in circles with them and then someone gave me another number to call and eventually got through and explained the issue and eventually after a few other calls i was told that i now had medical coverage through the provider i choose while i was on the phone.


I just recently was finally diagnosed by my psychiatrist with several things that I already pretty much figured I had already with my own research and knowing what I am going through.  I was diagnosed with Bi-Polar Disorder, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, and Anxiety Disorder.  This is the main things I have been dealing with on my own until a few years ago.  Now I have a regular psychiatrist to help with adjusting the medications and hopefully get my life back on track.

Before I had a psychiatrist I was put on Anatriptyline 25mg and had some side effects however it did have one positive effect and that was it kept me from hurting myself overall.  however the last time i saw my primary Dr was before Obamacare took over and my Dr upped the Anatriptyline to 50mg and I started having bad side effects.  I attempted to get in touch with my Dr repeatedly over the phone and in person at the clinic however the response from the staff was always the same…  Someone will get back to me…  After months of going in and calling i finally gave up on ever getting through to my Dr in West Sacramento



Update.  I have been getting the help i needed for my issues for some time now and am stable on my medications i am taking and i have been stable now for just over a year now. i do have a few minor side effects from the medications i am taking such as shaky hands once in a while and lightheaded when i get up. other than that i am doing pretty good now. i am also now on SSI so i was able to get off the streets and into a room for rent situation that is working out just fine for me.

Welcome Message


Clan of the Red Band welcomes you to the site.  This site was created for those with mental health issues to talk about and share there experience with others of our community.  You may discuss your issues with what you are and what you were going through and what treatment methods you are taking.

Don’t think that you are the only one that has to deal with the issues you are going through.  there are many of us that deal with mental illness daily and have found ways to better cope with it.

Methods of treatment can be anything from talk therapy, to seeing a psychiatrist regularly, taking medications regularly, along with other methods that may not be listed here yet.

The main goal of this site is to create a community driven site that is there to support one another through there issues and help to suggest ways to get help.

Currently trying to get the help you need for mental health issues can be challenging.  it could take you months just to start getting the help you need.  also in some cases you may need to check yourself into the emergency room and be transferred to a nearby facility that can better deal with the immediate issues and stabilize you.  These facilities are not designed for long term care usually so they look to get you in and out usually in 72 hours (3 days) from when you were first admitted.  most are an involuntary hold so don’t expect to be in and out until the 72 hours is up.  This gives the staff and Dr’s a chance to adjust any medications that may be needed.

Some times family or friends may have to take the steps to have there loved ones admitted to these facilities because they need the help but won’t go on there own.  There was one such case with someone i meet in the facility that i was in.  this was an elderly lady that was so upset about being there.  she didn’t think she needed to be there and wanted to go home.  she was upset and i went and talked to her on multiple occasions sometimes just briefly just to see how she was doing or sometimes for a reasonable length of time.  after a few days there she was much better and happier than when she first came in.  they had adjusted her medications and she was getting ready to go home the next day.  She realized after she had her medications adjusted that she was much better than she had been even before she had originally came in.  If it wasn’t for her family taking the steps to admit her in to the hospital she wouldn’t have got the help for the adjustment of her medications.

Another person i meet in the hospital had already been in there for over a month she said.  she would sit alone and sometimes start crying.  after a number of days i ended up talking to her a bit when she was upset.  at first she really didn’t want to talk but after a few times of just taking even a few seconds to see how she was doing she started talking to me more and when she would start getting upset and crying i would ask her if she would take a walk up and down the hallway with me.  i would sometimes just talk about stuff i had went through or any other subject.  she would stop crying and would feel a bit better after i was done talking to her.  I found out that i was like the only person that even really talked to her while she had been there.  she had been going through her own issues including not remembering stuff and said she had lost stuff that she had like her phone that she had just got shortly before going to the hospital.  While i was there i talked to her about some stuff that she was going through and told her to talk to her dr there to see about having her medications changed.  before i left there her dr had changed her medications and she said she was starting to feel better.

While i was there I was dealing with my own problems.  Severe depression and suicidal thoughts along with wanting to kill myself.  I have been slowly getting worse with my mental and physical problems.  I can’t do the things that I once was able to.  Then being on the different medications i have had side effects from them.  I ended up checking myself into the emergency room when things got really bad and was transferred to Sierra Vista the next day.  I ended up being in the hospital for over a week because not only wasn’t i getting the help i needed but when i tried to explain to the dr there what i was dealing with he didn’t really listen to what i was trying to tell him.  i ended up trying to get in contact with my social worker all day the one day and never saw my worker there.  the next day i was in not such a good mood because nothing was being done so i got some paper and a flex pen and wrote up some info that had been going on since i had been there and about my issues and handed it to a member of the staff.  in a very short time my worker was there and briefly after my worker showed up to talk to me my dr was there.  after a few minutes of talking to both my worker and dr there things were resolved overall and a date to leave there was set.  unfortunately sometimes it takes going around and around in circles before things start working out.  In my case you have a Dr that is already over worked and has a lot of patients to see every day.

sometimes you have patients that end up being there for any number of reasons and end up checking themselves in but really aren’t going to get the treatment that they need because they basically lie to the dr because they want to get out as soon as possible.  now if they follow up with out patient services as soon as possible they may be able to get the help after they are out of the hospital however sometimes they just fall back into the same situation they were in when they first went in.

Those that are seeking help need to be honest with themselves and there dr’s and not just look to get out of there as soon as possible without at least a continuing plan to seek regular care for there mental issues.